Mandie

mandie + drugs

2005-11-03T20:44:31Z

ohj oh oh oh I forgot to tell you... about two weekends ago on friday I did E.. it was fun.. way better than shrooms its a nice high.. nothin tooo special tho.. and on sunday we got some shrooms.. we fuckin tripped the whole time it was gay.. well not gay... it was fun somwhat... i just hate feelin like im havin a bad trip.. so i stayed at wills.. and he didnt end up going to work on monday because at 3am he was going to take me home and he passed out on his porch and i had to sit there with him.. i was so scared.. crazy shit but its all good now :) no more drugs for me im done! well for awhile.. i dont think im ever going to shroom again.. gay sauce

mandiejohannes @ 2005-11-03T12:28:00

2005-11-03T20:40:10Z

Wow, Haven't updated in forever. Its thursday :) almost friday. I did all my homework for school and my moms car wont start, isnt that some bs? I finally do some homework and I cant even go and get credit for it. Well until later.. my mom has to buy a battery. Then after that I want to go get some applications because I need a fucking job, and some fucking money :-D Well living here with my mom is really getting on my fucking nerves. I hate her p.o.s boyfriend and im starting to really dislike my mom.. but whatever life goes on. Atleast im doing good and not stressing or anything of that sort. Im really happy and I like it that way. Im really starting to miss my dad probably because I feel like I dont have any parental units anymore. Kinda sucks growing up and having to me less independant. I've noticed over the past few months of living here how much I have changed. Im not spoiled at all what so ever anymore. If i wanna do something I gotta figure it out on my own and just do it because pretty much no one else is gonna help me. Things have changed so much over these past few months. My life has been turned upside down, then sideways, then cock eyed, then half straigt again. Im doing much better than I was. I thought I would nevere get over what happend and im just glad things are better now. I have a reason for living and I just gotta put my nose up and stop being a lil bitch about things. lol.. My life is so much different than it used to be. I feel like I've changed a lot.. which isn't a bad thing at all. Change is good :) and even though it doesn't seem like it at the time it is. Just be open minded and let things go.. it will go how ever its ment to and before you know it your gonna be smiling all the time..

Last night Will pierced my 3rd holes on my ears, I was hella scared. But you would think I wouldn't be after getting my fucking NIPPLES pierced. It wasn't bad.. at all. Im just a pansy :)I think I want him to do my cartlegde this weekend.. well tomorrow actually. It was fun! I have 10 piercings now.. I really wanna get my nose done again but on the opposite side.. who knows..

Well im just rambeling on. but it felt good to update and just type some crazy shit I was thinking. TTYL and more updates to come..

its.... FRIDAY!!!!!!

2005-10-21T20:48:30Z

The best day of the fuckin week! I get to spend the whole weekend with my baby.. and tonight I get to SHROOOM! YESSSSSSSSSSSSS! This weekends gonna rock..! More updates to come..

mandiejohannes @ 2005-10-19T11:17:00

2005-10-19T18:26:42Z

WTF IS UP WITH MY CRAZY ASS DREAMS???? Im not even stressin out cuz i dont have any pimples on my face lol.. doesnt make sence.. I just hate waking up from lame dreams that put me in a bad mood..

Im much better now that I woke up and found that my mom paid the bill and our phone is back on!! So I got to talk to my babe and im happy :) but his phones being gay and not receiving my txts..

TODAYS MY MOMS FREAKIN BDAY AND IM PISSED!!!!! THAT BITCH DIDNT EVEN COME SEE ME WHEN I LIVED AT JOSHS FOR MINE!!! AND IM GONNA LET HER KNOW TOO! HAHA, nah im not gonna fuck her bday up shes been shitty lately and i wanna let her know i care :)

aaaannyways, I miss Will :'( but.. its.. WEDNESDAY! yesssssssssssss! almost friday.. DUDE! IM NUMBER #77 TO GET INTO LIVE OAK WTF KINDA BS IS THAT?? I THINK I MIGHT NEED TO FIND ANOTHER SCHOOL.. ;( DUDE! ALSO.. YOU KNOW BIDWELL ELEM? ITS NOW BIDWELL HIGH HAHAHA WTF IS UP WITH THAT? THEYRE SENDING ME THERE I GUESS.. LAME

WELL IM GONAN GO.. IM JUST BLABING ANYWAYS...TTYL

mandiejohannes @ 2005-10-18T10:58:00

2005-10-18T18:07:43Z

Errrr I woke up to a lame ass dream!! I got on here and Will sent me a hella sweet message which made me feel 100x better!!

I cant belive how good things are going with him and I. Its like I cant even explain how happy he makes me. He's all I think about all day, everyday. I miss him right now!! But when dont I? lol.. It just feels soo good to have someone there for me and someone I can be there for also. Will is such a good boyfriend. I was telling him how fucking perfect he is for me.. and its very true. No one has ever made me this happy. He hellof makes me feel just so good! I cant even explain he just takes the words outta my mouth. Its just soo good and so real. Im falling in love with him.. and its so awsome that I can let go of my past and just open up and be myself around him.. It was really hard for me to do that for awhile. But I really wish I would have done that sooner. But its awsome the way things are. im so freakin happy its crazy.. mkay well im gonna stop blabbin about how good my life is right now..

I was working out yesterday doing hella crunches/sit ups and my abs hurt like a motha fucka...

DUDE I FOUND SHROOMS YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW FUCKING EXCITED I AM ABOUT THAT.. IT ALMOST MADE ME RESORT TO E.. YIKES... I cant wait til the weekend.. omg halloween party this weekend too~! dunno if im gonna go but i really wanna go to just see some old friends..

mandiejohannes @ 2005-10-17T07:20:00

2005-10-17T14:28:40Z

Well I had a very good weekend with Will once again =D

We didn't do too much but just being around him was nice. We stayed at his mom's house in antioch. Being out there brang back hella memorys.. just hearing the train at night made me sleep even better. Saturday we wake n baked.. then went back to sleep. I swear I've never slept so good in my life.. Will and I were all cuddled up in our PJs.. it was just the comfiest thing ever. I have never slept so good I swear. I miss Will right now.. esp. sittin here writing and thinking about him. Im so glad that we're together and that everything is going so good. He just makes me so rediciously happy. He meens so much to me and im glad that we got to hangout.. then hangout more.. and more and became g/f and b/f. Err im just so happy .. aaah it feels good too. Damn good!!

I might be going to Chico to visit some old friends I used to go to school with. Im not sure yet tho because I might not have a ride.. I dont wanna piss off Will by going either but he didn't seem to mind.. but still if he was going I would be like "hrrmm.. okay?? " lol.. so we'll see..

Well its way to fucking early to be up.. I woke up at 6:00am.. and I need to go back to sleep.. so ill update later..

<333333333

2005-10-10T14:03:52Z

I had so much fun this weekend!! I stayed with Will the whole time!! He had to housesit his sisters house..

Friday - picked me up, went over there had a few shots hungout and went to sleep..

Saturday - Woke up, hung out.. Will make me breakfast.. thats so sweet!! Hella made me smile. Hung out all day his cousin came and visited for a lil while. Smoked a big ass J.. hungout.. went to sleep..

Sunday - Got clawed in the head by the cat so I was still half awake. Got up got ready went to his house and hung out there most of the day.

Its like, we didn't even do anything but the way he makes me feel is so undescribable. He makes me feel like im the only one he cares about and even tho were not bf and gf he makes me feel so special.. and like im the prettiest girl in the world. Its like.. so perfect. Over this weekend I feel like I can just open up and be myself ( which im doing ) Seeing Josh that last time really made me get over him, like.. made me realize how I have to move on and how much I want to..I cant belive how much time I spent on dwelling over nothing.. when I could have been with Will making him happy. I dont really miss him ( Josh ) but I miss what we had. I want to be like that with Will and I know I can. I know I can be really good for Will and I know how good he can be for me. Hes like the number one or two sign that macthes mine. I feel like I've never been hurt and all I wanna do is just love Will and let him see how I really am and how perfect everything can be. All I want is for him and I to be really happy, and I think that we could definately do that for eachother. I just really dont wanna hurt him ( I know I wont ) He really meens a lot to me. I dont want him to hurt me either, and im really sure he wont. I can trust him so well already and thats a good sign if you ask me. Like I cant even tell you how good he makes me feel. I only hope that I made him half as happy as he does me. I wanna be perfect for him. I feel like hes really good for me. My mom freakin loves the hell out of him its crazy. I eventually want to love him and want him to love me... and a strong love.. a die hard love.. but with that also comes pain. But im really willing to take that risk because if you dont.. then what?? I feel like I would be missing out on so much... well I feel really good and I think im gonna have a smile on my face all day.. :)

mandiejohannes @ 2005-10-06T00:25:00

2005-10-06T07:35:04Z

Well me and Will didn't exactly work.. I broke it off tonight.. Im just definately not ready for that right now..

Im feelin pretty shitty back to square 1.. and feelin pretty lonely. Althought my friends are helping me out a lot. I hope things get better from here.. I guess they should I got nothing else to loose... well we're gonna stay friends so atleast I still got someone there who cares about me :) and who I care about. Eh.. tomorrow another day and im hoping its a better one than this. Im feelin hella depressed right now, and I have a feeling im not gonna get much sleep... well tomorrows another day and i gotta keep my chin up., ill update when im not feelin so shitty.

mandiejohannes @ 2005-10-03T18:07:00

2005-10-04T01:09:52Z


420 is love
brought to you by the isLove Generator

mandiejohannes @ 2005-10-03T01:46:00

2005-10-03T08:48:08Z

Damn my bad.... according to John I had 6*** shots!! and two beers!! haha no wonder I was gone..

mandiejohannes @ 2005-10-03T01:32:00

2005-10-03T08:42:43Z

This weekend has been pretty fun..

Friday - Stayed at Will's.. saturday I went to my cousins engagement party, and that went very well...surprisingly. Got to see family I haven't seen in ages. Hung out with my dad for a little while, he was his usual prickself. Saturday night Will came over and we went to Mel's and hung out with her and jon. Me n mel took a few shots.. then me nd jon took a few.. it was fun.. I had 2 beers and 3 shots.. It was so fun.. I hadn't been that tipsy in a long time. It felt really good. We smoked too.. thanks to will :) It was fun all of us hanging out. Went back to Will's and crashed.. and sunday ( today ) woke up.. felt like shit from all the alch. Came home took a shower took a nap for like an hour.. then got ready and went with Will over to his friend Rob's. We hungout with him and his gf, got some food, and went back to Will's.. nd then later got dropped off.. and here I am!! lol..

Its been so fun lately. Its really nive having a bf again.. I didnt think id actually feel how I do. It feels nice, and I missed this feeling. IDK.. what else to type except that he makes me really happy.. :)

Its ( 1:39am ) im about to get into bed.. im hella sleepy

Errrrg. Live Oak still hasn't called.. I gotta call em tomorrow cuz I need to start going to school. Its gonna suck going everyday but ehh w/e.. better than Prospects and DV..

mandiejohannes @ 2005-09-30T13:06:00

2005-09-30T20:16:03Z

Talked with my dad this morning. I haven't talked to him in a few weeks. Tomorrow I guess is my cousins engagement party... my dad asked me to go. So I guess were gonna go for a little while. Im nervous... I havnt seen my dad in awhile. Nor my family.. My dad found out about my tongue ring and didnt even care, but my cousins may have seen my pics on myspace so im kinda nervous about that too..

I get to stay at Will's tonight so thats cool :)

Im about to go to the gym.. I should hellof smoke before lolol.. hella short post today..

mandiejohannes @ 2005-09-29T12:54:00

2005-09-29T20:02:00Z

Just woke up :) txting Will :) Im thinking about going to the gym, I really need to im such a fuckin whale. I just dont wanna loose my tits haha. But yeah I think id feel much better afterwards..

Last night was fun drinkin taqila and beers..

err I dont know what to put..

I MISS WILL! Cant wait to stay with him tomorrow night.. I think things between us are gonna turn out pretty good.. It seems like forever since I got to have a boy all to myself. Its almost like I dont even know what to do.. Its crazy being taken again. Someone to call mine.. and also that I belong to someone :)Feels good :) He makes me so happy, and im sure its only gonna get better from here..

short entry i might update later.. who knows..

<333333333

2005-09-29T02:20:28Z

Me and Will are official....

mandiejohannes @ 2005-09-28T00:42:00

2005-09-28T07:55:09Z

I finally got a new livejournal so I can actully get my feelings out somehow!! Haven't had one of these in forever.

Well recently I got out of a three year relationship to whom I thought was the love of my life.. I knew we wouldnt ever get married or anything but i loved him like ive never loved anything before.. Recently i've met a new man and started likin him a lot.. I dont really wanna get into that too much.. it seems like my love life is going no where right now.. My life seems like it went from so perfect to so shitty. Like overnight.. Im not sayin that its terrible right now it just seems much more boring and a lot more emptier. I feel like all I have is my mom. Im very grateful for having met Will but at the same time its just more confusion and crap to deal with. Wow, I made that sound really really bad.. Im just not in a very good mood right now. You know that saying " Its better to have loved that not loved at all?" I dont know why but thats been stuck in my head for awhile now.. I just feel like I went from being loved and feeling so secure to just thrown away and no longer wanted. Life sucks.. but life always goes on.

Will does meen something to me.. I dont really wanna give up on it.. but I really hate the inbetween shit.. thats why I broke it off with my last one.. I cant stand it.. theyres nothing more i hate then that.. im not the type of girl who likes sharing my men or beening in a between like thing.. as in not a gf bf thing but not exactly JUST friends.. i feel confused.. I feel like im so stupid for falling for someone so fast..

Wow, this thing makes me feel so much better like I have someone to talk to where I can just vent..

Thinking about all this shit just confuses me even more and makes me feel like im more lost than i was when it all first started. Really makes me doubt everything.. kinda a slap in the face.. but i had it coming and I knew it was coming... Kinda didn't realize how much I cared for someone until I realized I couldnt have em..